i've been all deep and tragic lately

Basically, I see myself as a winter person. I love to wear woolen socks and scarfs indoors, drink tea and chat with friends, walk outside in the snow so that your cheeks get red, listen to lovely music and feeling quiet and peaceful just because the world is. Most of the time. Just now, though, I found myself thinking about summer, all the great things like swimming or sleeping outside or laying in grass, drinking wine and laughing. People in short skirts and shades and I'm the only one who never gets tanned. Heartaches and too much spare time. Standing in the rain.



Skins has always had the power to make me feel weird in a way. But it's not just that. I've my own memories as well. Like sitting in Holland Park with the taste of curry you just ate still lingering, listening to opera and not even caring that it rains. Talking for hours, watching the sun rise when you're still a bit drunk, not minding the mosquitoes. Going barefoot in a forest even though there might be snakes. Hugging a friend and catching their familiar scent. Kissing in the rain, all drunk and obvious and people are looking but it's fine because you're the only people who're really there.

Sitting by the sea, a bit cold, not doing a thing.



The year is almost gone. I don't know what I'll be doing this time next year. Hopefully I'll still have people to love like I do. I've learnt a good few things about life and myself this year. Well, I can't really say. I can't think a year back any more than I can think a year ahead. I guess I kind of live in the now. Sort of. I dunno. Well anyway, good times. Happy 2011.

I've this cool meme to fill, and I'll be posting it as I write something here. If I remember. It's in ten parts. I'm also challenging Vilma to do the same thing! Think of it as a New Year's thing. Or something.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1. If you wouldn't try so hard to run away all the time, if you just didn't hate yourself so much, it'd be so much easier to love you. But I tend to keep a distance if people run away from me.
2. Sometimes I don't know what to think about you and around you. But the time to ask questions is over. I've asked my questions and I've made my mistakes and even though I'll never be able to not love you I'm glad we're okay. And now I know that no matter how I feel, nothing is more important than not ever losing you again.
3. I wish I could be as important to you as you are to me. I love you; you're my dearest friend.
4. When you smile at me, hug me, sound delighted when you meet me or tell me your secrets it makes me feel important.
5. It's going to be the time of our lives, girl, if we make it so. You're fun to be around, you make everybody smile. Thanks for all the times we've had, and for more to come.
6. It was weird meeting you. I'm happy we did, we should've sooner, and we should meet more often. It's like we share a soul sometimes, we have so much to talk about. I'm glad that you get I'm a moron. And you like me anyways.
7. Hey soul sister. We've found each other again and that's great. I wonder how I lasted so long with you being so far away.
8. I wish you told me when you're hurt, because then I'd dare to do the same. I need to be able to tell you when I'm hurt but I can't somehow, most of the time, not anymore when you've grown to be a fellow human being in my eyes, more than just a sister who's there to protect me. We've had many laughs and good times and you've given me loads. I wish I could be a bigger person in your life.
9. Thank you. You understand me and I love you so much for all that you've been for me. Thanks for letting me reach the stars; after all, you did too! Don't let me give up like you haven't before. Because you telling me I can means the world to me.
10. I've grown with you as my sister, one of the only people whom I love like one and at times can't stand. But you are a perfect sister, in every way. I hope we could be even more like that. We could be so much closer.

a sunday smile and we felt true

Many times I've been sniffing my perfumes and remembering things they remind me of. Those memories are very strong. Actually I can't use certain perfumes when the smell reminds me of something I don't want to remember that time.
You learn to love or hate different smells when they remind you of something. Many times you remember things from your childhood because you remember the smell which is releated to that memory. I love the smell in my grandmother's place. I think everyone does if they jush have good memories. Also I loved the smell of the house where my deceased aunt used to live.

But let's talk about those perfumes a bit more. I have two perfumes which are very strongly releated to certain things. First is Versace's Bright Crystal. Every time I smell it I remember my first year in upper secondary school. I remember my first friends, exciting new subjects and things I loved and learned to forget during that winter. I love to use that perfume when I'm feeling calm and happy. Second is DKNY's Be Delicious (the green one). I need to say only two words to describe this memory: Sleeping Beauty. When I smell this I remember everything releated to our play last spring. Our rehearsals, jokes, lipstick, parties, displays...everything. This one I use when I go to party or when I feel joyous. Other perfumes I use when I don't wanna use neither of these two. Maybe some new memories will get linked to them.

in two or three corners of the circle

Yeah. So there's really just one thing I need to say about last month and the obviously enthusiastic blogging going on all month (sorry). It's this:



So I did it. That's why I've also ignored several things that would have needed my attention, like, oh well, school. The story is still not finished, and I'm already going on 60 000 words (when it's ready and edited it'll be available for those who understand Finnish, no way am I going to translate all that shit). I achieved 50K on Thursday 25th, and when I typed my 50 000th word I was in a pub with some friends (who are also fellow Wrimos (which obviously means NaNoWriMo participants)). We all started cheering like mad, as I'd written nearly 4000 words that day already and everybody was getting tired with my whining. Strangers in nearby tables started cheering and applauding as well. My friend had adopted his friend's old, huge, heavy typewriter and he had it out because he wanted to try it out. People in the next table were whispering "look at this mad bloke he's got an effing typewriter with him in a pub". I don't know why it's so funny. It was a great day, and I didn't even have any money to buy alcohol, no wait...

So I don't have much else to say. I haven't been doing anything else all month. I did "find" this Finnish band Happoradio while spotifying (IT'S A WORD) during one of my long and tiring NaNo-evenings. I have known them for ages and listened to like five of their songs, but for some reason I never went further. Now Happoradio is practically everything I've been listening to all month (although I'm now listening to Eggs Are Funny as I'm currently up for some Mew loving).

Now it's time to worry about upcoming concerts, like my voice teacher's christmas concert where I'll be singing about death and hapless love (I've not prepared well enough, but as my dad says, ten minutes of shame can save you hours of practice), christmas presents (as I'm broke, and apparently giving people stuff on the day our Lord was born is the only way to show I care) and MY NEW JOB (I'll be starting right after christmas, after which I hopefully won't be so terribly broke all the time). I wish everyone a brilliant December, loads of snow (<3) and proper christmas spirit. And also, on the 6th, kiss a Finn as we're cute and it's our Independence Day! Happy birthday Finland!



P.S. I had a dream where I wrote Remus and Dumbledore to have an affair. It was weird, especially as they were really cute and all. I definitely won't be writing that.
P.P.S. Don't you just love that jolly Voldie up there? My Remus' dear boyfriend is really pleasing the Dark Lord. XDD
P.P.P.S. Also, don't you just love love love how funny I've become?

she is the grey weather at the end of my tether

I had already forgotten how good Mew actually is. I really was, until today. I was searching some songs to play at school on our music course and the headwords I entered on Spotify gave me a bunch of Mew's songs. I was surprised because I haven't think about them in months, don't know why. First time I realized I like them was in the summer of 2009, at Ruisrock music festival. Mew was the last band left on Saturday. I didn't know anything about them but my friend wanted to see them so we stayed and it was worth it. The feeling was absolutely amazing. Thousands of people swaying in the uneven rythmn and enjoying the sensuous sound of the singer's voice. And we were outside, it was summer night, the sky was clear and full of shining stars. What is more, the lights and the video show behind the band was an experience intrinsically.

Second time we went to see Mew when they had a gig in Helsinki in November 2009. Just a year ago. We were in four (Inkku was one of them) and this time all knew what was coming and the exitement was guaranteed. This gig wasn't so incredible as the gig in Ruisrock but still, it was really good.

Now I have recalled enough, I think. And it's time for some new stuff: Mew has released a compilation album of their greatest songs and its name is Eggs Are Funny. Funny isn't it? Album cover and link to Spotify below!

 Mew – Eggs Are Funny (2010)