Monday, 27 December 2010

i've been all deep and tragic lately

Basically, I see myself as a winter person. I love to wear woolen socks and scarfs indoors, drink tea and chat with friends, walk outside in the snow so that your cheeks get red, listen to lovely music and feeling quiet and peaceful just because the world is. Most of the time. Just now, though, I found myself thinking about summer, all the great things like swimming or sleeping outside or laying in grass, drinking wine and laughing. People in short skirts and shades and I'm the only one who never gets tanned. Heartaches and too much spare time. Standing in the rain.

Skins has always had the power to make me feel weird in a way. But it's not just that. I've my own memories as well. Like sitting in Holland Park with the taste of curry you just ate still lingering, listening to opera and not even caring that it rains. Talking for hours, watching the sun rise when you're still a bit drunk, not minding the mosquitoes. Going barefoot in a forest even though there might be snakes. Hugging a friend and catching their familiar scent. Kissing in the rain, all drunk and obvious and people are looking but it's fine because you're the only people who're really there.

Sitting by the sea, a bit cold, not doing a thing.

The year is almost gone. I don't know what I'll be doing this time next year. Hopefully I'll still have people to love like I do. I've learnt a good few things about life and myself this year. Well, I can't really say. I can't think a year back any more than I can think a year ahead. I guess I kind of live in the now. Sort of. I dunno. Well anyway, good times. Happy 2011.

I've this cool meme to fill, and I'll be posting it as I write something here. If I remember. It's in ten parts. I'm also challenging Vilma to do the same thing! Think of it as a New Year's thing. Or something.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1. If you wouldn't try so hard to run away all the time, if you just didn't hate yourself so much, it'd be so much easier to love you. But I tend to keep a distance if people run away from me.
2. Sometimes I don't know what to think about you and around you. But the time to ask questions is over. I've asked my questions and I've made my mistakes and even though I'll never be able to not love you I'm glad we're okay. And now I know that no matter how I feel, nothing is more important than not ever losing you again.
3. I wish I could be as important to you as you are to me. I love you; you're my dearest friend.
4. When you smile at me, hug me, sound delighted when you meet me or tell me your secrets it makes me feel important.
5. It's going to be the time of our lives, girl, if we make it so. You're fun to be around, you make everybody smile. Thanks for all the times we've had, and for more to come.
6. It was weird meeting you. I'm happy we did, we should've sooner, and we should meet more often. It's like we share a soul sometimes, we have so much to talk about. I'm glad that you get I'm a moron. And you like me anyways.
7. Hey soul sister. We've found each other again and that's great. I wonder how I lasted so long with you being so far away.
8. I wish you told me when you're hurt, because then I'd dare to do the same. I need to be able to tell you when I'm hurt but I can't somehow, most of the time, not anymore when you've grown to be a fellow human being in my eyes, more than just a sister who's there to protect me. We've had many laughs and good times and you've given me loads. I wish I could be a bigger person in your life.
9. Thank you. You understand me and I love you so much for all that you've been for me. Thanks for letting me reach the stars; after all, you did too! Don't let me give up like you haven't before. Because you telling me I can means the world to me.
10. I've grown with you as my sister, one of the only people whom I love like one and at times can't stand. But you are a perfect sister, in every way. I hope we could be even more like that. We could be so much closer.

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